Further Proof I Live In A Sitcom. >_>

[whiteadelphi]

webfoot and zig_zag123 and I all took off up to the hills tonight to borrow Webby's stepmother's swimming pool.  Over dinner (a very nice dinner!) a bunch of people swapped SPIDER HORROR STORIES about, you know, massive dinner-plate sized spiders turning up where you least expect them out in the hills.  You know.  In the kitchen.  Collected with the mail.  That sort of thing.

This makes arachnophobes very nervous, you know.  (Apparently I lied about not getting nervous often.  Phobias are a special case >_>)  To the point that when I decided to go back into the house to change I was checking every corner with great paranoia, expecting to see massive shadowed furry things crawling on the walls. 

Locked myself in the bathroom to change.  Yes.  No spiders in here. 

...best check just in case.

WA: <_<
Spiders: *totally fail to appear on the left side of the bathroom*
WA: >_>
Spiders: *nope, not on the right side either*
WA: Well, that's a relief.  Guess I'll change.
Spider: Psst!
WA: What?
Spider: Look down.
WA: *looks down*
Spider: *sitting on top of bountiful breasts* Hi! ^_^
WA: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH--you know what, fuck it.  *flicks spider off chest*

Somewhere out there, God sits with one hand on the 'torment WA' button and the other hand stuffed into a carton of popcorn.  It's also possible God wears a dentist's coat and likes to set people on fire on a regular basis...

Had a good weekend otherwise.  Hee.

Comments

[shiegra.livejournal.com]

Gah. I like spiders, but I can sympathize with the hysterical phobias.

[whiteadelphi.livejournal.com]

ohhh yes.

At least in this case I didn't embarrass myself too much. >.>

[natsuko1978.livejournal.com]

OUCH!

I'm not an arachnaphobe myself (but then there are no indigenous poisonous spiders in the UK)... but that must have been FREAKY. Eeep. *HUGS*

I don't think God has anything personal against you, however. Maybe he's just prepping you for your jaunt through Oz?

I'm glad things went well OTHERWISE. :D We'll talk soon, ne?

[whiteadelphi.livejournal.com]

I hope we'll talk soon! :D I haven't seen you on in a while. And yeah ... a bit freaky. But I think you might be onto something there with the preparation thing. ^^

rofl

[mister-moshi.livejournal.com]

BWAHAHA XDXD. oh, the IRONY. ...AUUUUUGH *shudders*. i HATE it when that happens. they're just sneaky little arachnibastards is what they are. they'll get what's comin to em soon enough!!

EEEGH, tho....

Re: rofl

[whiteadelphi.livejournal.com]

I hope so. I spent the next few minutes hopping around the room because I flung it onto the floor and it vanished. "Is it in my towel? My pants? OH GOD. I can't pick anything up, I might find it again!"

[jackslack.livejournal.com]

Someone, by god, should be turning this story into a comic strip. Ideally in manga style.

[whiteadelphi.livejournal.com]

*cackle* If I could draw, I'd totally do so.

[duckay.livejournal.com]

*coughs*

Please forgive my 'sense of humour'.

[whiteadelphi.livejournal.com]

Oh dear Lord - YOU WIN THE INTERNET.

*dies laughing* Thank you for showing me this!

[some-scribbles.livejournal.com]

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Flicking it off was an infinetly better option than squishing it, though. *shudders* Good job.

[whiteadelphi.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah. At least it was only a little one. Unlike the dinner-plate sized ones in the stories round the BBQ ...

[da-staplerthief.livejournal.com]

Am I a bad person for finding this post hysterically funny? Or rather, one of those things which would have been funny if it didn't happen to you? *hugs the traumatised WA* God totally has to be like that dentist guy from Little Shop of Horrors, who gets off on pain and suffering. *snerk* But the way he sets it up is vaguely awesome, if extraordinarily cruel. I mean, on your boobs? Eep. But wow, that's just... *shakes head* I now know how to give an arachnophobe a heart attack.

[whiteadelphi.livejournal.com]

No, you're not a bad person. :D Hell, I wrote it deliberately to be funny. Hee.

[procurerfaith.livejournal.com]

Ohhhh, that story sounds familiar... >.>

ProcurerFaith: *walking down street*
Bumble Bee: *drops on chest* Hello!
PF: O.o;
BB: *crawls around on boob*
PF: {{{>.<}}} *waves at it hysterically and prepares to take off shirt - yes, in the street*
BB: O.o;
PF: *remembers that she often has a pen hanging from the front of her shirt - and this is one of those days* o.o *flicks BB as far away as possible with pen*
BB: >.<
PF: *runs for the hills*

[bunnymaccool.livejournal.com]

you forgot the "drop massive load of chips on street and frighten woman with her small children" ....


.... just trying to be helpful.

^___^

[procurerfaith.livejournal.com]

{{{>.<}}} SHADDAP! XD I can't help it if I felt the need to reassure a passing woman (and her two children) who were looking at me like I was some kind of nutcase by saying, 'Ahahaha, I'm phobic of bees!'

>.>

<.<

^^;;;

[bunnymaccool.livejournal.com]

(^__^)...you love me, really

[whiteadelphi.livejournal.com]

Erk! I'm guessing you have the same problem with bees that I do with spiders o.0 *hugs*

[procurerfaith.livejournal.com]

Oh yes ^^;; At least there's no hornets in this country - I might actually have a seizure every time I left the house in the summer >.>

<3

[bunnymaccool.livejournal.com]

you should see her take off running from a pic-nic when a buzzy thing comes near... ^__^ ... we had to eat in the van. XD XD XD XD

[procurerfaith.livejournal.com]

XD Shaddap - there were loads of them! Dont forget how I checked my can of Diet Pepsi for stray buzzy things ^^;;

So it was an indoor picnic...>.>

Sorry, WA - I'll stop spamming your LJ now... ^^;;

[prettyarbitrary.livejournal.com]

I can't help but laugh. :D

I don't think it's anything personal against you. But apparently God and I have similar senses of humor, because holy crap life is funny.

I prefer spiders not to get too close. I've got a radius of a couple of feet around me that I'm happier if they don't intrude upon, though it depends on the spider. Yes, I'm a shallow appearance-oriented spider-hater. Attractive, graceful, symmetrically-legged (and preferably small) spiders don't bother me so much. I even find them sort of cute. The creepy ugly ones discover that my comfort zone extends around them. It's sort of like men, really. XD

But while I'm not really phobic--spiders don't find that their presence causes screaming, panic attacks or irrational violence in me--I've gotta say that if I lived in Australia, that might very well change. Holy crap, what do you people do to your wildlife to make it all so angry and poisonous? Does it all grow up on a diet of tequila, Allen Ginsburg, and Sisters of Mercy or something?

[whiteadelphi.livejournal.com]

Laugh away! :D I find life to be hilarious even at the worst of times. (Even more so in the worst of times, sometimes... I have an odd sense of humour.)

And ... Australian spiders. That is an AWESOME description. I'd like to know what we did, because then I form a coalition to appeal to the spider population to be a little less deadly ...eesh. (It's like our snakes. 9 of the 10 most poisonous snakes in the world can be found in our backyards. WTF.)

But we do get less in the way of natural disasters. Maybe it's God's way of balancing things out and having a good laugh at the same time. >_>

[prettyarbitrary.livejournal.com]

I remember when I first found out platypi had venom claws. o.O;;; For a moment, I considered giving credence to the creationism idea. I mean...come on! That can only be the product of a disturbed mind.

Maybe God didn't rest on the seventh day. Maybe he created Australia, then later after he looked at it again, he added a Commandment about getting some sleep at least one day a week.

[whiteadelphi.livejournal.com]

And THAT has to be the best comment ever made about God vs. our wildlife. I shall cherish it forever. :D

[bunnymaccool.livejournal.com]

being as I am a Texan, which we lovingly call The-Land-Wherein-God-Dropped-All-the-Creepy-Things ..... you have my full understanding and sympathy.

Being also a spider-phobe EXTRAORDINAIRE ... you give me goosebumps with this story.

Spider + landing on Bunny's boobs = ded Bunny on floor from heart failure. *nodnod*

NOW I SHARE MY STORY, YES!?!? ^_^

Bunny: *standing atop super-steep-stairs-of-death with armful of laundry*
Giant Wolf Spider: HELLU!!! =D *standing atop armful of laundry within 2 inches of Bunny's face*
Bunny: O___O
Giant Wolf Spider: ^______^
Bunny: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWH! WOEN AEAOWEIFJAEFKANSDF;KASJDFASEF!!! *FLING*
Giant Wolf Spider: O__O
*THUMP*THUMP*THUMP*CRACK*CRASH*THUMP*THUMP*SPRAIN*SPLEEN*THUMP*THUMP*
...
...
Bunny: *in heap at bottom of super-steep-stairs-of-death covered in laundry ... no idea where spider is*
Giant Wolf Spider: *hiding* heh heh heh ...
Bunny: *cautiously gathers heaps of laundry keeping an eye out for GWS*
Giant Wolf Spider: *still hiding* hehehehehe....
Bunny: *super-duper-cautiously stuffs laundry in washer while screaming inside*
Giant Wolf Spider: TAAAAADAAAAAAAAA!!!! =D *jumps to top of just-loaded-into-washer-laundry*
Bunny: X___x!! *SLAM* DROWN YOU CREEPY LITTLE *&%^%*&^(&**)(&)*(N_*(&bitch!!!! HAH!!!! SUCK ME SIDEWAYS YOU DIRTY PIRATE WH@RE!!!!
Bunny's Dad: ................ >__> *wanders off*
Giant Wolf Spider: *is soup*

^_________^

♥!!!

[whiteadelphi.livejournal.com]

Oh my god. That terrifies me. ;_; And ... makes me laugh, just because of the awesomeness of the way you wrote it. >D But ...GAH. You win. Hands down.

(Of course, then there was the story of the black furry thing that decided to walk between us and the television last year. UG put it in a tupperware container and took it outside, and then stood there frozen with his hands trapping it in the dish while it started shedding SPIDER BABEEZ EVERYWHERE.

Me, I'm just glad he took it outside before it used our living room as Spider ER Central ...>.>)

[procurerfaith.livejournal.com]

Holy Lord, I'm no arachnophobe, but I think witnessing that might actually turn me into one...>.>

[bunnymaccool.livejournal.com]

i just have to think about it and I get all shivery-twitchy and GAAAH! ... ick ick ick ick ... >_

[bunnymaccool.livejournal.com]

it was funny about 24hours later... when I'd had time to take stock of bruises and deal with it ... XD

... but the spider... not so much ... wolf spiders and their big CREEPY eyes... GAAAAAAAH!! and the ones we kept getting were pretty fair size... 4 or 5 inches or so. >_< it gives me the shivers NOW, thinking about it ... and this was...... maybe ten years ago.

my mom woke up one morning (in the same house) and found another GWS sitting on her pillow, staring at her. O__O ... how that house didn't give me heart failure, I'll never know.

X_x I'm not sure I would survive spiderbabies everywhere... *shiver*twitch*

[procurerfaith.livejournal.com]

XD XD Bun-bun, have I told you lately that I love you? XD <3

[bunnymaccool.livejournal.com]

yes... but it doesn't hurt to hear it more! XD XD XD

♥!!!!